Archive | July, 2015

Sunday Motivation

12 Jul

Minds

Let Them Be Little

11 Jul

From the moment I got pregnant with my first child I vowed to “do things differently.” Not that my parents did a bad job raising me at all, but we never really had the kind of throw your head back in laughter kind of fun that I saw some other families having.

I vowed to have dance parties like my aunt and uncle did with their kids. I spent the summer with them when I was 16 and was far too cool to participate in them then, but still envied all of the fun they were having together. They have always had this seemingly easy balance between fun and parenting that I look up to.

I vowed to have Nerf gun fights and make up silly handshakes and live each day to its fullest. I vowed to have tea parties (even if it meant dropping everything I was doing) and vowed to watch all of the silly kid movies that came out. I vowed to make forts in the living room and eat junk food and have that kind of throw your head back in laughter life that I felt I kind of missed out on.

I genuinely enjoy spending time with my kids so the “fun” parts come naturally to us. People say I have done such a great job parenting them. I almost feel guilty accepting the complements because I have wonderful kids who have been very easy to raise thus far.

So, what is the problem? The problem is that I know it won’t always be like this. I have panic attacks over the smallest things. Recently my youngest lost her two front teeth. It is adorable and suits her well, but it is another sign that she is growing up. Another sign that soon all of the fun things we enjoy doing together may not be cool for long. Someday she will be that 16 year old girl who is too cool for our family dance parties.

My identity is that of a mother. As much as it maybe shouldn’t, my world revolves around my children. So what happens when they decide I’m maybe not as cool or important to them as I once was?

I got through my son’s first day of kindergarten two years ago. I was completely convinced my life would have a huge hole in it. Somehow I kept going despite the change it made to our household. My daughter starts kindergarten in 5 weeks (not that I am counting) and somehow it is even more painful to me than it was with him. I am not sure if it is the fact that she is my baby, that she is a girl or that she is incredibly shy when you first meet her. It is just different. And hard.

Empty nester. That is what I will feel like. I won’t have my little sidekick to keep me on my toes when I work anymore. My mini me. The girl who is a constant reminder of why my husband and I work so so so hard. Both of my kids will spend more of their day with a teacher than with me. And I have a hard time coming to terms with that.

Tonight I drew a mustache on my daughter’s face with marker because I knew it would create the biggest giggle (and it did). Her mustached, dinner on her face, missing front teeth face was the most beautiful face I have ever seen. Because it reminds me of her innocence and her happiness and her throw your head back in laughter spirit.

My kids are getting older. I’m getting older. My world is changing. And I am not sure how to deal with it. Sis

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