Archive | February, 2015

To Be Like Her

27 Feb

When I was five my grandmother used to brush the tangles out of my hair and listen to all of my troubles. With each stroke of the brush she made my worries all go away. As if it were magic. She hung on my every word and made me feel like I was so… important. She taught me about indian paintbrush, about adventures, about life. She gave me a love for learning and a love for reading.

When I was ten my grandmother taught me about how a woman is supposed to act. About how a person is supposed to act. She nurtured my love for reading and never missed an important moment in my life. Her beautiful smile was all of the assurance I ever needed.

When I was fifteen my grandmother gritted her teeth and smiled through my flawed decisions. She loved me when most had given up on me. She taught me what unconditional love really is. She taught me about forgiveness. She still faithfully sent me birthday cards and Christmas gifts even when I never gave her the “thank you” I know she so desperately craved.

When I was twenty my grandmother taught me about parenting. She let me make my own mistakes because she knew I needed to learn from them. She taught me how the little moments can be the most memorable ones. She took care of me after a surgery and never failed to say exactly what I needed to hear even if the advice seemed harsh at the time.

When I was twenty-five I realized that my grandmother was more than a relative. She was one of my best friends. The least judgmental person I have ever met. When I was twenty-five I saw the way my daughters eyes light up when my grandma comes into a room and could see my five year old self in those eyes. When I was twenty-five I could finally appreciate the wonderful woman my grandmother is. She taught me about patience and about cherishing every moment with my kids.

I often wonder what the world would be like if everyone could be even a fraction of the person she is. What a beautiful world it would be.

Hurry Up And Wait

25 Feb

FaithI am a control freak. Maybe that is why I work for myself. When you work for yourself and something goes wrong there is no one to blame but yourself. I find some sort of twisted peace in knowing that.

Sometimes I forget that the rest of the world doesn’t process things the same way I process them. I see the world in black of white. The rest of the world sees shades of gray. This tends to be a huge problem for me. In relationships, in internal struggles, in business, in faith. When someone tells me something I take it at face value. “Yes” should always mean “yes.” It sure would make the world a less complicated place.

Today this mostly has to do with the process of buying a house. When an agent says something they should mean it. When a seller says something they should mean it. When a lender says something they should mean it. And when you say something inaccurate (or even worse, omit something important later on) own up to it. “I screwed up.” Three very powerful words that are so easy to say and can mean so much to the person on the other end of the screw up.

If something goes wrong with the loan for this house in a way I have peace of mind knowing I provided everything that was asked for when it was asked for. I was transparent with everything. But, you know what? If something goes wrong with the loan and we don’t get this house I am going to be mad. Really really mad. Because someone elses screw up will have affected MY life. Forget the money I have already invested. The time and energy are far more valuable to me.

In all of this I find myself turning to God more than ever. I know that things will happen the way they are supposed to even if it hurts at the time. There have been many times in my life where I prayed and prayed for something to happen and when it didn’t happen I was always mad. But, looking back, I am so thankful for all of those unanswered prayers. There was always something better waiting for me or some lesson that needed to be learned.

A Snowball Fight

16 Feb

Forgive me for not posting to this blog in ohhhh FOREVER. It has been one crazy few months. I have had so much to post about and wish I was disciplined enough to spend an hour a week blogging. It would have been fun to look back on our panicked frantic selves and (hopefully) laugh at how dramatic we were.

House hunting. Need I say more?

Well, maybe I will get around to posting about those escapades, but for now I want to remember this small memory from today. Something seemingly small, but it has rally changed my heart which really needed to be done. I don’t even know the last time my heart felt so heavy.

I guess this story needs a bit of a preface to really get why it was such a great moment for me. We have been house hunting since January 1st. It isn’t a long time at all, but it seems like it has been a year since we started looking. It started off pretty rocky. We had to fire our first real estate agent. I hate confrontation and have NEVER fired anyone before. I fired him as nicely as I possibly could and he still went crazy calling us all sorts of names and was a total jerk. Dude, you were trying to show us fire damaged houses and houses in senior communities…Really?! Anyway we ended up with an absolutely AMAZING agent so all of the stress with the first agent was totally worth it.

House hunting is NOTHING like House Hunters. We had this Norman Rockwell image in our heads when we started looking. We thought it would be so easy and that we would find something day one and it would all be smooth sailing. Well, after our first offer was rejected… and second… and third… (All of which were at least $10,000 over asking price) we started to realize it wasn’t going to be the Norman Rockwell experience we hoped it would be.

Fast forward to offer number EIGHT and it was accepted!!!! Tom called me to tell me the news when I was at my son’s dance competition. I wish we had been together when we found out. I wanted to be excited, but I was just incredibly stressed out. We were worried ┬áthat the appraisal would fall through, the loan would fall through or the inspection would go wrong. We were supposed to be happy, but we argued more that week than we have in years. I am a micro manager. I hated the fact that I had no control over what happened the next month.

We were in a major funk. I was exhausted. My eye was twitching literally 15 hours a day. I hated how I felt. Well, today something seemed to have changed. Somehow we managed to climb out of our funk. It snowed today. I hate snow so I figured the day would suck. Well, Nikkos and Tom went outside to shovel and Ariahna gave me these big puppy dog eyes and wanted to go outside, too. As much as I hate the snow I couldn’t let my baby girl sit inside looking longingly at her dad and brother outside. I put on my snow boots and gloves and went outside with her.

She decided that we needed to build a snowman so I attempted to build one with her. It looked dis proportioned and looked like it may fall over at any moment. She was ELATED. And you know what? I was actually having a pretty good time as well. Tom and Nikkos had finished shoveling and I felt a smack on my back. SNOWBALL FIGHT!!! We must have looked nuts to the neighbors running around the yard for an hour. Tom and I probably had even more fun than the kids. We were laughing. The first time I remember doing that since the house hunt started.

Eventually we were all covered in snow and were freezing so we went inside, got our pajamas on at 4 in the afternoon and I made hot chocolate. I felt so complete. I felt so incredibly blessed to have my beautiful kids and amazing husband. I forgot about the paperwork and signatures of a house hunt and remembered what really mattered. My family.

It is amazing how the smallest things in life can mean the most to you. I am so happy my daughter gave me those puppy dog eyes. If she hadn’t I would probably still have the heaviest heart tonight. Instead my heart is so full of happiness and love for my beautiful little family.

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