Archive | April, 2014

Smiling Is My Favorite

14 Apr

You know what I have been doing a lot more of lately? Smiling.

Life is funny in that you never really FEEL like you are growing, but when you look back to where you once were and where you are now you barely even recognize the person you once were. At church this week we had a guest pastor who was just amazing. He was speaking about condemnation. His main point is you are not defined by past mistakes. You are not your past and your past certainly isn’t who you have to be NOW.

I don’t think I have made any HUGE mistakes in my life. I mean, I haven’t killed anyone or robbed anyone. I haven’t neglected my children. But at the same time if I defined myself by who I once was I wouldn’t be smiling as much as I do now. As stupid as it sounds I am really grateful for my past as embarrassing as some of it may be. It has helped strengthen me as a person. As our pastor says, we should make our misery our ministry.

That is exactly what I intend to do. I want to make just one person say because of you I didn’t give up. Because of you I realized I didn’t have to be a statistic. Because of you I had hope and confidence that things could get better. Because of you I am not ashamed of the mistakes I have made.

The truth is, I have had a lot of help in getting to where I am today. I have a loving husband who was willing to grow with me and willing to work on his own growth for the sake of our family. I have a father who believed that tough love was what I needed. Who supported me no matter how many times I told him I hated him and pretended like I wasn’t listening to him. In reality I WAS listening. I was ashamed and embarrassed and pretending like I hated him was all I knew to do to protect my pride. I had a mother who told me everything was going to work out when I never thought it would. I had a mother who saw past the tears and cursing and yelling and made me feel beautiful. I had SUCH a huge support network that helped make me who I am today.

All I want is to someday be one member of someone else’s support network. I want my misery to be my ministry. I want that father who feels like he is at the end of his rope to know that his child is listening. His child needs him there as much as they say they don’t. I want to be able to tell that father to stay strong because someday his child will understand and appreciate what he did for them.

I want to be able to tell that crying mother that her hug means more to her child then she will ever know. Her telling her daughter that she is beautiful means more than any material goods she doesn’t feel like she has provided enough of.

I want that support network who feels like they have been unappreciated, spit on, abused to know that their words and support can literally help save a life, save a family.

And I want that broken girl to know that she can pick up the pieces of her shattered life and make something even more beautiful. I want that broken girl to know there is hope. I want her to know she is beautiful and she should never settle for less than happy. I want her to know that her past doesn’t define her. I want her to know that people who are judging her aren’t worth her time anyway because true friends will love her despite her past decisions. I want her to know that God has beautiful things planned for her life.

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