Nobody can go back and start over

14 Jan

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Today started with my eye twitching and my heart racing. In other words, it started the same way every other day in 2014 has started so far. I really tried to have a positive attitude. I really, really did.

The last thing I wanted to be seen as today was the evil step-mother or evil “new” wife. All I wanted was for everyone to get on the same page and make things better for ALL of the kids. I have an obligation to make the lives of my biological children as happy as possible and when I feel like we are trying to help one child and the other two suffer because of it I have to play mama bear (which I think I am pretty darn good at).

Today was the day ALL of the adults would meet with the (dun dun dun) therapist.

I was a nervous wreck. I didn’t want her mom to feel like I was intruding on HER childs therapy and HER parenting. The truth is that her child DOES have to do with me because her actions impact MY children who happen to be HER childs siblings.

I regress…

So when we got there you could cut the tension with a knife. It was awkward. Really, really awkward. BRUTALLY awkward. For everyone.

But…

The awesome thing?

The appointment actually went great!!! No sarcasm there at all. It really went great. Her mom admitted that she has had some really poor judgement when it comes to talking badly about Tom in front of her child. she even apologized! Seriously. She really did.

The therapist read off a list of “rights” that children with divorced parents have and made sure everyone, including the child, understood them. and you know what? I think we all felt like assholes because we have all violated at least one right.

Some examples of therights are:

I have the right to love my parents equally

I have the right to be a kid and not have to deal with adult problems

I have the right to not have to pick sides

I have the right to not overhear arguing

etc.

Hopefully we can all be on the same page now. We meet again next week to discuss some other things like the lying issues she has had lately.

Things are looking up.

 

One Response to “Nobody can go back and start over”

  1. Grandma January 15, 2014 at 12:32 pm #

    I know you’ve read this … doesn’t it speak volumes? I was so excited to read this post and so very happy for all of you adults and the kids you made.

    Minnesota Judge Has 200 Blunt Words
    for Divorcing Parents

    By Judge Michael Haas
    2001

    “Your children have come into this world because of the two of you. Perhaps you two made lousy choices as to whom you decided to be the other parent. If so, that is your problem and your fault.

    No matter what you think of the other party—or what your family thinks of the other party—these children are one-half of each of your. Remember that, because every time you tell your child what an “idiot” his father is, or what a “fool” his mother is, or how bad the absent parent is, or what terrible things that person has done, you are telling the child half of him is bad.

    That is an unforgivable thing to do to a child. That is not love. That is possession. If you do that to your children, you will destroy them as surely as if you had cut them into pieces, because that is what you are doing to their emotions.

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