Archive | July, 2013

How Do Other Parents Survive It?

24 Jul

My baby starts KINDERGARTEN in three weeks…not that I am counting down the days until my life is essentially over or anything 😦

How did this happen? Where did the time go? I want to go back in time 5 1/2 years and tell my old self that time really does go by as fast as everyone says it will and I want to tell my old self to cherish every single moment of those chubby cheek days where your little ones hands are so small that they can wrap their entire hand around your finger.

My baby is going to KINDERGARTEN

I am not worried about him. He is incredibly smart and social and…amazing. He is beyond excited. But, me? I am dreading it. It means he is no longer a baby. It means I have to trust someone else with his learning and growth. Someone I have never met, someone who doesn’t know him inside and out like I do.


I don’t know how I will possibly survive. They may have to pry my cold clammy hands off of him the first day. I may cry so much that the classroom becomes a swimming pool. Other parents make it out alive, but I don’t know how I possibly will. He’s my baby. My sidekick who always makes me laugh. Soon he will have a best friend who’s name isn’t Mommy and he will start calling other boys “bro” and “man.”

My baby is going to KINDERGARTEN

How will the earth keep spinning normally when it is such a monumental moment? How will everyone else in the world carry on with their day as if nothing is different. Everything is different because he is my baby. He is the innocent child who wants to know everything about the world and up until this moment it was my job to teach it all to him. And, somewhere along the line, time kept passing and he kept getting older and older and my eyes still saw the chubby cheek little baby that he was 5 1/2 years ago.


….and I don’t know how I will survive it

What Life Neglected To Tell Me

15 Jul

Parenting is hard. Being a step-parent is quite possibly even harder.

Lately things have not been easy…at all. We are simultaneously trying to handle the toddler years and the preteen years and I am fairly sure we are failing miserably at parenting our way through hell. We may have even reached this place beyond hell. It is so hard to see your child hurting and not know how to handle it. I would give anything to be the one hurting instead.

The worst part is that I know I play a major role in why she is hurting so badly. She wants her mommy and daddy to be together and she feels like it is partially my fault that she is from a broken home. I am the evil step-mom who stays up at night with a lump in my throat because I want her to be happy and she isn’t. I am the evil step-mom who goes out of my way to make her feel comfortable. I am the evil step mom who does crafts with her and braids her hair and takes her shopping. I am the evil step-mom who has made her mommy lonely and sad and angry.

No one warned me that it would be this hard. I got plenty of warnings about becoming a mother. About giving birth. About your biological child screaming that they HATE you and HATE your house. No one warned me how badly it would hurt my feelings when a step-child said those things.

A part of me wants to scream back. A part of me wants to just give up and tell her that if she hates us so much she can just live with her mom. But the biggest part of me? The biggest part of me wants to prove her wrong. I want to make it through these years with optimism and I want to know that sometimes tough love and discipline will give her the foundation she needs.

Maybe someday she will thank me. Maybe someday she will know that I didn’t break her parents up. Maybe someday she will know that I really do love her.

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