Archive | December, 2012

Less Worry More Life

29 Dec

I have spent the last few days really reflecting on this past year (as shown in my previous post). I really wanted to make some good goals for 2013. Life goals. Personal goals. Not silly goals. I want to be a better person.

I want to learn how to worry less and live more. All of the success I have experienced in the past few years feels…wasted. I have spent so much time thinking about where to go next and what to improve on and haven’t been living in the moment. I have gotten sucked into the typical American life of want, want, want, need, need, need and have forgotten to live.

So, that is my goal for 2013. To live. To try to let go of the daily grind and the goals and to appreciate the Colorado sunrise. The crisp feeling of the fall breeze on my cheek. To appreciate every single hug and kiss from my little ones. Especially the ones that are for no reason other than for them to say they love me. To appreciate the fact that my husband has a job and that even though we don’t OWN a house yet, we still HAVE one.

In 2013 I want to learn how to let all of the anger and disappointment and unmet expectations go. I want to forget about all of the monetary CRAP and remember the substance of life that matters.

I want 2013 to be a year of personal growth…not financial growth or business growth.

I want to be able to visit all of my grandparents without worrying about my savings account.

My ONE goal in 2013 is to worry less and live more. It is the ONLY goal that matters.

A Reflection on 2012

23 Dec

I don’t even know how I can properly sum up the year my family has had. It has been trying, exhausting, happy, sad, fun, but most importantly I feel like I am a better person in December than I was in January.

It has been a year of growing pains and has produced a lot of experiences to learn and grow from. In January we had distant hopes of someday, maybe in ten years, running our own business. It was just a dream that I never really expected to come true. Now, in December, it is looking like it may become a reality in 2013. No words can possibly express how excited we are for it.

January started with our car breaking down and me panicking and crying that things were just getting worse and worse. That car breaking down was really what lit a fire under us. We bought a van and decided that since we were buying such a large vehicle we really needed to get moving and make use of the vehicle for our business. Boy we sure have gotten use out of it.

For the first time in years I feel like I can reflect back on the year and be proud of just about all of the decisions we have made. I’m not really sure that I have ever been so proud of myself and I am not ashamed to say it.

All I can hope for 2013 is for my family to stay happy and healthy. 2013 will be a crazy year. Nikkos starts school, Tom will likely leave his job to run our business full time and with God on our side we may even start looking for a house. I am so excited about all of it.

Sandy Hook Elementary

17 Dec

I have been thinking about the Sandy Hook shooting for the past few days. Let me rephrase, I have been thinking about the Sandy Hook massacre CONSTANTLY since it happened. I didn’t know if I would write anything about it because I knew nothing I said would fix anything. Nothing I say can bring back those innocent children and heroes who were lost.

I feel lost. I don’t understand why something so incredibly horrific can happen. They were children. Six and seven years old. Still innocent to the demons of the world and still looking forward to Santa coming down their chimneys in a couple of weeks. I almost feel guilty. I feel like I should have died instead, any adult should have died instead.

It is heartbreaking that those families have presents under their trees for children who will never get to open them.

We send our children off to school and think that they will be safe. They should have been safe. The scary thing is that it could have been any of our children. The shooting didn’t happen in a bad town, not at all. It happened in a sleepy New England town that was safe.

I can’t help that a part of me feels heartbroken for the person who did this too. He must have been a very tortured boy. A very, very broken boy to commit such an evil act. I lie awake at night wondering if he could have been helped. Wondering if the system failed him the way he failed humanity. Wondering if he, like many people with disabilities, fell through the cracks and was simply… Forgotten.

What is happening to the world?

Are guns the problem?

Technology?

Violent video games?

Parents over extending themselves?

Financial crisis?

Politics?

Why are all of these people killing for NO reason? No good reason, anyway.

Again, I am left with more questions than answers.

The community of Sandy Hook will be in my prayers this Christmas season. I will be sure I don’t take every hug, every kiss, every twinkle in each of my children’s eyes for granted. I will praise God in this storm and know that there are 26 more beautiful angels in Heaven watching down on all of us.

God bless every one of them.

Life Creeps Up On You

7 Dec

Life creeps up on you
When you look in the mirror and see the slightest crease in your eye.

And you get happy because they are smile lines and not frown lines.

When you catch yourself being fascinated with licorice tea.

And you can talk antiques without breaking a sweat.

When you realize people have stopped feeling sorry for you.

And have started respecting you.

When you aren’t that mom anymore.

And are now that great mom.

When the mail no longer brings delinquency notices.

And instead brings cards from Santa to your children.

When stretch marks are badges of honor.

And not one ounce of shame.

When staying up late is 10pm.

And sleeping in is 7am.

When parties are the last place you want to be.

And home is the first place you want to be.

When little giggles trump winning the lottery.

And your husbands hand in yours.

Is perfection.

The Blessings Of Having A Gifted Child

4 Dec

elf

 

My son is smart. I am not just saying that because I am his mother. He really is smart. Very smart.

My son doesn’t believe in Santa. He pokes holes in my stories. He asks why Santa looks different in every picture. He wonders why Santa goes down chimneys and not through front doors. He says its impossible for reindeer to fly. He asks why Santa has elves when he could just buy all of his toys from the store. I am trying so hard to keep the spirit of Christmas alive in him, but he is too logical to believe all of my stories.

I am not sure I ever believed in Santa, at least I don’t remember ever believing. I pretended to believe because I didn’t want to hurt my parents feelings. I went along with the whole Santa thing until I was ten or so and then I confessed that I knew he wasn’t real.

I know that having a gifted child will have it’s challenges and that this is just the beginning. I am sad that my son won’t experience the magic of Christmas that other children experience. I am sad that the glimmer of hope that Santa is real isn’t in his eyes anymore.

The holiday season isn’t turning into the Norman Rockwell image I had in my head. I know it’s petty. I know I should be thankful to have a child who is so curious and smart. I know we are blessed. I just feel like I am missing out on something that other parents take advantage of having. The spirit of Christmas.

I guess I just need to remind myself of the true meaning of Christmas. Ariahna has the story down. “The baby Jesus was born and people rided cows to see him and the cows eated fruit snacks and the wise men got Jesus PRESENTS and then Jesus was the king.” Yeah…it goes something like that.

 

 

 

 

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