Confessions of a Teen Mom: Part Three

12 Nov

The next few months were kind of a blur. High school had just ended, I didn’t have a job and I felt completely alone. As everyone else was preparing their dorms for what I could only imagine would be the best four years of their lives I was preparing a nursery. I found a wonderful doctor who didn’t judge me for being a teenager and who treated me like any other patient. As the days wore on and my belly got bigger my parents began to accept their fate as grandparents. At home things were actually going pretty well.

It was in public where I had the issues. Everywhere I went people were blatantly staring at me and pointing at me. It wasn’t in a congratulatory tone. I am not sure if they were mad at me or if they felt sorry for me, but it was mortifying. I spent most days at home silently throwing up from my crippling morning sickness. I tried not to complain because I knew I had brought it all on myself, but inside I was depressed. I couldn’t shake the fact that I had become a failure, a statistic. The girl who once cried over not having straight A’s on her report card had turned into the girl that no other girls wanted to be.

When I was 20 weeks pregnant I got a 3D ultrasound as a gift from my mother. I found out that we were having a boy and at that moment everything became real. I imagined skinned knees and sports. I could picture my boyfriend playing baseball in the front yard that we didn’t even have. When I was 20 weeks pregnant I decided that my son was the only person who mattered in my life and that I would do everything I could so that he didn’t have to suffer from me being a teen parent. Nikkos was the perfect name. A strong Greek name for a boy who I knew would be a fighter.

My boyfriend, mom and I moved into a three bedroom town home before I had my son. He would even get his own room. Things were going better than I could have even hoped for. Over time my morning sickness got better and I stopped caring about the stares I got from strangers. My boyfriend got a job working for a probation office making better money than we thought he would and we were able to buy a few things for our son. I was genuinely excited to finally meet him.

After a few false alarms I was determined to not go to the hospital until the real deal. So determined that when I actually WAS in labor I refused to go to the hospital. I woke up on the morning of March 6th 2008 in pain. I figured it was just braxton hicks so I decided not to tell my mom or boyfriend about it. Apparently I was doing a very poor job of hiding my pain because my boyfriend made me walk down two flights of stairs to talk to my mom about the pain. Right when I reached the bottom stair she smiled and told me that she wasn’t going to work that day because I was going to have a baby. I pleaded with them to go to work and told them I would be just fine, but five minutes later I was in the car on the way to the hospital.

The entire way to the hospital I yelled and cussed and was the ultimate backseat driver. Once we got to the hospital the contractions were so bad that I could barely walk. In the middle of the parking lot I threatened to sit down right where I was unless someone got me a wheelchair. My choice of words was likely a little more harsh than that. We got checked in to the hospital and I found out that my doctor would not be the one delivering my baby. She was on vacation so it would be a male doctor. I despised that idea, but I was in so much pain I didn’t argue. An hour later and an epidural later I was feeling much better.

My mom and boyfriend went to get lunch so my dad was in the room with me. Suddenly it felt like the epidural had worn off. My dad went to get the doctor for me and he informed me that it was definitely time to push. I don’t know who went to get my mom and boyfriend, but they had to have run. Three minutes later I was pushing. I didn’t think I could do it. I wanted to give up. I pleaded for someone to trade places with me so I could rest. Forty minutes later at 1:49pm my son took his first breath and I heard his first cry. It was all so overwhelming. They placed him on my stomach, I looked into his eyes and I instantly fell in love.

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