Because Sometimes Having Your Head In The Sand Is Ok

7 Sep

I have a lot of fears. Some are probably very rational and some maybe not so much. Maybe my fear of moths is a bit…extreme. But really, they look like they have dust all over them and they look like they came out of a horror movie. My fear of getting my car stolen is probably justified. I have gotten a car stolen before and it was terrible. My very first car at that. I will never shake the feeling of going outside in the morning to find your car gone.

I have a fear of coming home to find one of our cats dead. It is kind of a silly fear. They aren’t old cats at all. What does one do when their animal dies? My aunt threw her cat in the trash when she died. I have never had to be with an animal as they died. There isn’t a cat coroner and burying an animal does seem a little silly. I’m sure you can buy a cat coffin on eBay though.

I have a fear of Jean Bennet Ramsey’s killer too. You know, that little beauty pageant girl who was murdered in the 90s. I am pretty certain her brother did it and her parents tried to cover it up, but I still have that fear. I guess the fear is more generalized than just her killer. It’s more a fear of someone coming into my house at night and kidnapping my kids. What a terrible feeling.

I also have a huge fear of death. Not of myself dying, but of those I love dying. It’s an overwhelming, crippling fear. I can’t fathom losing anyone I love. Not being able to hug them again or hear their voice again or see their smile again. And even more so, my kids not being able to see them again. I have been fortunate to not have lost many people in my life, but as the older generation creeps into their 80s the panic sets in. I try to just ignore that panic and enjoy each day. It usually doesn’t work.

I guess the theme of my biggest fears is loss. Losing my car, losing my kids, losing my loved ones. I like my life the way it is and that includes all of the people and things I have in it including the ones that may drive me crazy. You can’t prepare for death. You can’t plan for someone to die. You can’t distance yourself from people as they get older to make it easier on you.

How do you handle death? Can you try to prepare for it? How do you live a happy life when you have lost a huge part of your life? I’m not ready for it and I don’t think I ever will be.

2 Responses to “Because Sometimes Having Your Head In The Sand Is Ok”

  1. sarcasmica September 7, 2012 at 11:16 am #

    If it helps, it’s not something you can ever ‘prepare’ for. Even at the most prepared, it throws you. Far. But you recover. You get through it and end up stronger for it whether you want to or not.
    Living in fear of something that will happen is counterproductive to the silly and fun things you could be doing! like drinking! 🙂

  2. Grandma September 8, 2012 at 2:42 pm #

    I worry about death also; even as I know it is a waste of time to even think about how to cope with the death of a loved one. Celebrate every day instead! The post was really cute – the cat and moth part!

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