Archive | September, 2012

One Of Those Days

23 Sep

Truth.

 

I woke up to Nikkos and Tom arguing outside our bedroom door and the day really only got worse from there. It was just one of those days where everything gets on your nerves, all you hear is whining and you wish you could just go back to bed. I know it didn’t help that I got a terrible nights sleep. I haven’t slept in weeks. I don’t know if it nerves or excitement or anxiety, but I keep waking up in the middle of the night wide awake. Well, either wide awake, hungry, thirsty, hot, cold…you get the picture.

Then for whatever reason Tom was annoyed that I was working which in turn annoyed me because I felt like he didn’t see my job as a real job. I think I was just overly sensitive to it because I am tired of everyone thinking I snap my fingers and money falls from the sky. Unfortunately thats not the case and I have to actually work to make money. Interesting concept.

Then I was antsy the whole day, but Tom worked at 1 so I didn’t have the car and I got to stay at home all day like I almost always do. I like being a stay at home mom to an extent, but boy does it feel like I am stuck in solitary confinement sometimes. Honestly.

Then the Broncos lost. I didn’t even watch the middle third of the game because it was putting me in an even worse mood.

Then I was hungry and we haven’t been to the store in a week and all of the comfort food I love was gone.

I just want a brownie

And some alone time

And some understanding

And support

And a really long nap

I Did Not Fall Off The Face Of The Earth

19 Sep

For starters, sorry I have been so MIA. I made it a goal to post at least 4 times a week and I have definitely failed at that the past few weeks.

Things have been crazy busy the past week for us. Not in a bad way, just in an oh-its-9pm-and-I-have-forgotten-to-eat-all-day kind of way. School and business and family and life have consumed every second of every day lately and sleep is a commodity. The good news is that we have really been getting things knocked off our to-do list which is great.

Ebay has been great. I expected it to be more of a hobby that maybe made up 5% of our business model, but I am definitely realizing it has SO much more potential than that. Take for example last night. We went to two Goodwills and spent a total of 45 minutes and 48 dollars. Our projected profit is around $800!!! And we even had the kids with us. Super cool.

Amazon has been busy too. The poor UPS guy is probably getting really sick of seeing our house. Yesterday we came home to 5 huge packages at our door. We got it all listed and sent off to Amazon in record time!

This weekend was a family weekend. We went to our local theme park with Toms family. The kids had a blast! Ariahna was finally tall enough to ride all of the kid rides and Jordan was tall enough to ride all of the big rides. My favorite part was watching Tom, his sister, his dad and our three kids go on a raft ride. It is kind of like white water rafting. I was convinced that when we saw them come down the “river” that Nikkos would be crying and screaming, but it was quite the opposite. All six of them had huge smiles on their faces! Too cute.

Tom and I have also been talking about our work dilemma. We finally came to the conclusion that after the spring semester of school he is going to quit his job so we can run our businesses full time and he can go to school full time. We are both really at peace with this decision and I find myself constantly smiling because I am so excited about our future and our leap of faith.

Goal for this week: Post more!

Later days blog world!

Do What You Can With What You Have Where You Are

13 Sep

Today I am thankful for:

The fact that my husband has a job
The fact that he enjoys his job for the most part
Popcorn and movies with my kids
My sons wit
My daughters smile
My husband never, ever giving up on me
Coffee on a cold day
Coffee on any day
Living in a good neighborhood
A working car
Late night conversations with my best friend
Having the worlds most supportive family
Music
Singing
Art
My job
My life

A Better Quality Of Life

12 Sep

This morning when Tom had to go to work Nikkos gave him a hug and didn’t want to let go. Tom had to peel Nikkos off of him so he wouldn’t be late. Nikkos kept saying “please take me with you, Daddy.” And if that wasn’t bad enough, Ariahna stood by the window for five minutes waiting for Tom to come back.

That is the reason we work so hard. So our family can have a better quality of life. So Tom CAN take Nikkos to work, because he will work from home. Someday.

Some days I feel like a single parent. There are days where Tom leaves for work an hour after I wake up and he gets home when I am already in bed. There are times where he literally goes 48 hours without seeing the kids. They miss him. I miss him. Heck, even the cats miss him.

I hope we don’t regret it all in ten years. I hope we don’t wish we sacrificed the income stability so he could have been home. I don’t even know what the “right” thing to do is… And I almost always know what is right for my family. The main reason he is staying at his job is for the income stability he will have when we buy a house. Lenders want to see that you have worked at the same job for a number of years and he has been at his current job for 4 years.

We could survive off my income, but it would be financially stressful. I thought that giving it time and thinking about it would help, but I have been thinking about it for months and if anything I am even more undecided and confused.

I’m tired of seeing my kids sad and my husband sad. I’m tired of him working himself into the ground. How much longer will it be like this? I wish I had answers.

Gloomy mood for the gloomy day.

Later days blog world.

I Really Have Been Trying

9 Sep

I have been trying really, really hard to be patient with people, but some people just test me to the point of no return.

Take for example the asshole who snatched a toy right from my son at the store yesterday. Really?! REALLY?! Who does that to a child?! The guy was most definitely taking it to resell. I sure as hell hope the profits he gets from that sale aren’t spent on cigarettes because if they are he will get struck by lightning twice and not just the once for taking it from my son.

He’s lucky my son has manners and he’s really lucky I was in shock and holding Ariahna. What a pathetic excuse for a human being. Karma will get to him so I don’t have to. Thank goodness my son is a respectful child and has manners. My initial thought was to punch him in the face.

Then take for example the cashier at the SAME store who rolled her eyes the entire time she was checking us out. Heaven forbid she actually WORK to get paid…what a concept. Not only was she a mean woman, but she charged us for some items multiple times and when Tom pointed it out she scoffed at him and acted like he was trying to steal something.

The only thing that salvaged a nightmare of a day was singing Christmas carols during dinner. Yep. We are THAT family.

Ooohhhh ya better watch out, ya better not cry, ya better not pout I’m tellin you why…

Woooosaaaaah.

Later days blog world.

A Minute Late And A Dollar Short

8 Sep

I have decided that “A minute late and a dollar short” is the new slogan for my life. Whenever I have a good idea someone had the same good idea twelve hours before I did. I am always either chasing life or waiting for life to catch up with me. We never seem to be in sync. It can get really frustrating and makes me feel like I am either wasting time or slacking off and I could do without either of those feelings. I am hoping that sometime soon my universe starts to balance out. I mean I am a Libra. I am not big into astrology, but my sign is supposed to be the balanced one. Haha. Universe-1 Lizzy-0.

Now that I got that out of my system I can talk about other things. Thanks for hanging with me!

It has been a busy few days. I have been so busy that I have literally forgotten to eat a few meals here and there. Unhealthy, I know. Luckily it has been a productive few days and luckily Tom and I went on a “date” to Ihop and I cured my grumbling stomach. Since Ariahna was diagnosed with an egg allergy I haven’t been able to eat pancakes…I need pancakes to survive…well to keep a smile on my face anyway which may as well be the same thing.

My mom watched the kids and Tom and I got breakfast and went to a few open houses. I actually enjoy open houses and they help us figure out what we “need” in a house vs what we “want” in a house. We got the kids around 2 and Tom had to go to a work party at 4. He didn’t even want to go, but being the boss man he kind of had to. Apparently it ended up being a big bust and he was cranky because he wasted his time and blah blah blah.

School also started Tuesday and that has been a lovely addition to an already full schedule. We have been managing it well, but at this point it really isn’t fun.

What else? Hmmm. Oh, I helped my dad get his Amazon store set up and he even bought a few things to sell. The things he got should all sell pretty quickly so that’s cool. Now I don’t have to feel guilty about him spending his money because of advice I gave him. Ha! Time will tell if he becomes a retail arbitrage addict like I am. I must admit it would be pretty funny if it became a full blown business for him. The man probably can’t even find a gallon of milk in the grocery store, so the thought of him making a living by shopping is pretty ironic. It is still cool that he is interested in it. He certainly has the business minded brain for it.

I feel like I need to slow down so I don’t get burnt out, but when I slow down I just get cranky and antsy. I guess that’s what I get for having my job and my passion be the same thing. Maybe I should just feel lucky. Finding a great item to sell is such a great feeling and being able to support my family by that great feeling is even better.

Off to list some things on eBay…and then maybe I will head to bed and dream of Walmart toy aisles. Tomorrow I will turn off the electronics and enjoy spending time with my other passion in life…my family.

Later days blog world!

Because Sometimes Having Your Head In The Sand Is Ok

7 Sep

I have a lot of fears. Some are probably very rational and some maybe not so much. Maybe my fear of moths is a bit…extreme. But really, they look like they have dust all over them and they look like they came out of a horror movie. My fear of getting my car stolen is probably justified. I have gotten a car stolen before and it was terrible. My very first car at that. I will never shake the feeling of going outside in the morning to find your car gone.

I have a fear of coming home to find one of our cats dead. It is kind of a silly fear. They aren’t old cats at all. What does one do when their animal dies? My aunt threw her cat in the trash when she died. I have never had to be with an animal as they died. There isn’t a cat coroner and burying an animal does seem a little silly. I’m sure you can buy a cat coffin on eBay though.

I have a fear of Jean Bennet Ramsey’s killer too. You know, that little beauty pageant girl who was murdered in the 90s. I am pretty certain her brother did it and her parents tried to cover it up, but I still have that fear. I guess the fear is more generalized than just her killer. It’s more a fear of someone coming into my house at night and kidnapping my kids. What a terrible feeling.

I also have a huge fear of death. Not of myself dying, but of those I love dying. It’s an overwhelming, crippling fear. I can’t fathom losing anyone I love. Not being able to hug them again or hear their voice again or see their smile again. And even more so, my kids not being able to see them again. I have been fortunate to not have lost many people in my life, but as the older generation creeps into their 80s the panic sets in. I try to just ignore that panic and enjoy each day. It usually doesn’t work.

I guess the theme of my biggest fears is loss. Losing my car, losing my kids, losing my loved ones. I like my life the way it is and that includes all of the people and things I have in it including the ones that may drive me crazy. You can’t prepare for death. You can’t plan for someone to die. You can’t distance yourself from people as they get older to make it easier on you.

How do you handle death? Can you try to prepare for it? How do you live a happy life when you have lost a huge part of your life? I’m not ready for it and I don’t think I ever will be.

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